James Andrews

My sister was told a tale by a man at CVS. This man had been sitting at home cleaning his gun when it misfired. The bullet went straight through his hand, and then through a book, and landed in the wall next to his wife’s head as she was watching television. His wife calls 911, and wraps his hand to stop it from bleeding, and proceeded outside to wait for the ambulance. An ambulance from Templeton, MA showed up and the EMT asked him to unwrap his hand as he claimed he needed to see the wound. The said “It’s just going to start bleeding again.”, but the EMT insisted so he unwrapped. Upon seeing the blood the EMT passed out. The man then rewrapped his hand. Not much later an ambulance from Woods Ambulance Services showed up. Since the man lived on the city line 2 were dispatched, one from one town, and one from the other. At this point the 2 EMTs argued for half and hour over who was going to bring this man to the hospital. The man solved this problem by getting in one of the ambulances and proclaiming. I’m ready, let’s go!

The story gets much better. Upon leaving the hospital and returning home he goes to get his gun from the police station. He was informed by an officer on duty that the police chief wanted to pull his gun permit. The man then decided he was going to confront the police chief about this situation. He said to the police chief, “I hear you wanted to pull my permit for unlawful discharge, when it was simply an accidental discharge.” he then went on to say he had heard of some “asshole” who had shot himself in the left and had it come out his ankle. The police chief proceeded to thrust the gun into the mans chest in a paper bag and said “fuck you get out of here”. You see this “asshole” was the police chief standing in front of him.

What lessons do we learn hear. 1) Don’t unwrap your wound in front of a rookie EMT who is obviously in the wrong profession. 2) If 2 ambulances show up, just get in one. 3) Get all the gossip about the local police chief before you have to confront him.

Now I am not religious but my mother is. She goes to church on a fairly regular basis, and recently one of the priests at the church told a tale that happened to him recently.

He says. “I was driving down the highway and didn’t realize it was a 2 lane road. I just happened to be driving down the middle, partially in each lane. There was someone behind me who honks the horn, so I moved over. They proceeded to pass me and got along side of me and gave me the one figured salute. I was at a loss and had no idea what to do, so I blessed it”.

Now I personally find this hysterical. What was the guy thinking in the other car? Was he embarrassed? Did he think it was funny? I am betting it made him more angry, but at least we can all get a laugh at his expense.